Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he shaved USA in his pubs
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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