i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
