Im at strip club and am horny
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
