i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
