Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We are all done wearing pants today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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