go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
