Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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