good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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