I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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