just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
