who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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