Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
