So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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