I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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