To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
