Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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