I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
