Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you would pick up someone in the library
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
