did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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