Screwed.edu
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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