If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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