Dual....:-)
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
