Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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