Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
