I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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