none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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