Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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