I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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