When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
