So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
