Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
