im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
