So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
