If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
