She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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