He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I met the friendliest cop last night
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
