also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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