"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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