Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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