god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
