that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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