My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
