I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
