Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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