Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
