For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
