He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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