Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
