Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
