Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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