where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
