Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
