ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
FUCK WHALES
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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