I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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