when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you will always have a special place in my vag
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning