Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.