it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
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Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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