I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome