just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.