My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I party with great urgency now.
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