It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just google imaged poop.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize