Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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