just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize