She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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