Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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