apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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