How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
