So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
