oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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