she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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