He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
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