Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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