Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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