i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
